dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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