I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
