I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
