Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
