you will always have a special place in my vag
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
