The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
