Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
