I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
