i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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