I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
