Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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