he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
