My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
