note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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