great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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