Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize