I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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