I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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