Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
