her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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