I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
