no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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