eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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