How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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