this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
