i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i barfeds in our rink
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
