I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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