it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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