You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
