If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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