Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
