I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize