I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
