i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
