I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize