I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
