Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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