my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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