It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
