I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
