I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
