why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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