Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
