My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
