i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i drank out of a bidet.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize