DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
