Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
