I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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