I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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