I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize