Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
