she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
