Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
