Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
