TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
