I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
