She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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