We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
