Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
