Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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