lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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