I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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