That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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