So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
