oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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