wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
